Tuesday, June 29, 2010


“No, I don’t want to do it”


Conjuring an explanation for not wanting to indulge in an act that both of them knew wasn’t their best decision was being rhetorical.

“Does it need a reason?”

“Why suddenly?”

“It is not sudden!! “

“I know it’s not sudden, what is the chain of thoughts that led you to this”


What is the chain of thoughts? - was reverberating in her mind. She knew it, but couldn’t blurt it out.

She returned home, her mind still clogged with the chain of thoughts reeling back and forth in no particular sequence. Several times, she had attempted to reveal her thoughts. She was still unsure, if she succeeded in her attempts. In her empty room, the clock ticking, with her eyes shut, time froze.

Vinay and Diksha were good friends. Vinay, the street smart back bencher; Diksha belonged to the same league, being part of the notorious gang in class. Their eyes never met, they didn’t exchange trivial smiles, and they were friends. It wasn’t one of those friendships that were blossoming into love. There was no love-hate equation. She acknowledged, admired and appreciated certain traits in him and didn’t look beyond to explore. Vinay didn’t show any palpable interests in her, and it was least of her concern.

Phone beeped. Time leapt to the future.

They were huddled together, talking through the night as one friend after another dozed off to sleep. His hands around her, drowned in rational conversations to soft whispers, the warmth was hard not to oblige. In those moments, she sensed a fondness; she has never known him to flaunt. Was it or, was it not?

A moment she is able to cherish even as it unwinds.

It was beyond the years of peek-a-boo. They didn’t need a cupid. There was surge of emotion, a new expression of their fondness. In faith of their bonding, they satiated in each other’s wordless articulation of adulation. Diksha couldn’t comprehend the expeditious promulgation. She liked him, she enjoyed his presence around, and she didn’t want to reason further. She reciprocated; denying love from people you equally like is exigent.

It did raise a plethora of questions, faith shunned them away. Moments of extreme reasoning sent her frenzy; to be in a relation, the bonding should never be reasoned. In absence of words that lace the trust, crazy thoughts were hard to circumvent.

The chain of thoughts - Yes! I like him. I like being around him. I like his arms around me. I like his banters. I like him. I like being loved by him. Then, what’s wrong in accepting his love? His wordless connote of affection delineates love and its articulation.

Diksha forced her eyes open. She still held her faith in their bonding, despising her crazy thoughts. Vinay articulated the way he best believed in, it was for her to make a choice.

She always knew what she wanted. Now, she knew what she didn’t want.

Expecting to be loved in a manner that appeases you is being demanding! Conveying the expressions of love that exacerbates you is exercising your rights!!

Even love can’t be accepted in all forms.


Anonymous said...

I read..re-read and then read it with little understanding!

It was like a puzzle to find out who the promulgation. In the second read I was able to find that it was Vinay. But why the lady has to run the chain of thoughts??

Absence of words- yes words are an abstraction for emotions and certain emotions are beyond words. I too share the same view.You shouldnt be having a need to explain yourself to your best friend/companion.

It was a nice exercise reading this post! Loved it.

Divya said...

Thank you deepak ! Sometimes certain emotions are hard to express, this post portrays that struggle.. I am glad you read and re-read, i am sure most would give up mid way..Lol!!